tension

“God will know how to draw glory even from our faults. Not to be downcast after a fault is one of the marks of true sanctity.”

—Dom Augustin Guillerand

I believe the above quote is both true and very difficult to live up to. This is hard because there is a tension in understanding the severity of sin and reveling in the freedom of forgiveness at the same time.

To dwell too much on the problem of sin is to become overcome with your own fallen nature. It’s depressing, frankly. We are weak, hard-hearted, selfish creatures of habit and impulse. And what’s more, our sin has separated us from the one true reason for our existence—relationship with God.

Conversely, to rejoice too quickly in the truth of grace is to take for granted what God has done for us. God has forgiven us—he has wiped the slate clean. And he keeps wiping the slate clean every time we fall, every time we wander away, every time we betray him.

Do you see the dilemma?

How do you live your live with a true understanding of the tragedy of sin (which you commit daily) without letting that understanding steal your joy? And how do you maintain joy at the thought of your salvation without forgetting that you are fallen and in constant need of God’s grace?

I always think of David when I think about this balancing act. David knew how to sin. He was really good at it—we have more than one story to prove it. But David was also quick to repent when confronted with his sin and when the repenting was done, it was done. He accepted God’s forgiveness and went on.

No pity parties. No self loathing. No haunting regret. He understood how awful his behavior had been, but he also understood God’s capacity for love. And he trusted that he was loved.

I love that about David.

Truthfully, I envy that about David because, while I share in David’s talent for screwing up, I’m not nearly as good at getting over it. I start off half the prayers I pray with “I’m sorry…” I think this is because it’s hard for me to believe, I mean really believe, that God’s going to just forgive and forget, you know? Oh, I believe it in theory. In practice, matching my sin up against his forgiveness, I get nervous.

I’m not saying I should. I’m just saying I do.

And I worry about erring too much on the other side. I know people who are always talking about the fact that they are forgiven and never really thinking about what it is they’ve been forgiven of. People who don’t take sin seriously. I used to do that. It’s dangerous. It’s a good way to get yourself in big trouble.

All of this brings me back to something I’ve thought a lot about over the last few years: relationship. Maintaining this balance between God’s unending love and my sinful nature is more about relating to God than it is about theory. And the balance is found, I think, in that relationship. It’s hard to take him for granted if I really know him and really understand all that he does for me and how much he loves me. And it’s hard to take sin lightly when I understand how much it hurts him and how great an obstacle sin is to my intimacy with him.

In short, there’s just no getting around the fact that being a disciple is all about being in relationship with God in an acutely personal way.

True to form, I’ve muddy the nice, clear waters with my pesky theological questions and now I’m going to sign off after having given you only half an answer. Sorry. That’s as much of an answer as I have.

But I'd love to hear your thoughts...